the keynote of sebastian's life was solitude and the kindlier fate tried to make him feel at home by counterfeiting admirably the things he thought he wanted, the more he was aware of his inability to fit into the picture – into any kind of picture. when at last he thoroughly understood this and grimly started to cultivate self-consciousness as if it had been some rare talent or passion, only then did sebastian derive satisfaction from its rich and monstrous growth, ceasing to worry about his awkward uncongeniality
(c) the real life of sebastian knight, nabokov